Learning to love yourself

'Learning to love yourself'' - a subject which is very difficult for me and something I find hard to talk about, so this post is hard for me to post but in doing so I hope I can help others to know they're not alone and that it is possible to love yourself once again. The reason I'm posting about this now is that it's something I've been working hard on recently and I believe it's such a common problem among most women. 

Low body confidence is something I've always struggled with since I was young. I was always the small one in a group and a lot of people pointed this out to me which left me feeling very self-conscious. I was led to believe I looked short and chubby, and I absolutely hated my stumpy legs. My problems really started to escalate when I was told by a doctor I could potentially gain weight from a medication I was on, this sent me into panic mode. After this, I started to train 6 times a week for an hour and was restricting myself from eating anything I didn't consider to be 'clean' in order to not gain any extra weight. This eventually left me in a dark place where I hated my body, resented my training which I use to love and would binge on all the wrong sorts of food when it got to the weekend. These were all things I would tell my clients are terrible to do, yet I was doing them myself. It was almost like the rules didn't apply to me and it was totally fine to be doing what I was doing. 

One of my main problems was that I was always comparing myself to others, which is something I know thousands of other people struggle with these days and I personally believe it's all down to social media. We look at pictures that are photoshopped of girls looking 'ripped' and desperately want to look like them, but it's important to remember you will never look like the girl in the magazine because the girl in the magazine doesn't even look like that since pictures always get edited and aren't completely real.

After doing this for a good two years I decided I had finally had enough. I didn't want to feel deprived anymore and miss out on things because I was worried about what it would do to my body. I started training for enjoyment again and slowly started to allow myself 'treats' again without feeling dreadfully guilty which was and still is difficult for me. This change only came within the last 6 months and I'm not quite where I want to be yet but I'm working towards it and that's all that really matters.

I still eat an extremely healthy diet because that's what makes me feel good and I love healthy food, but if I have the occasional 'treat' I now know it isn't the end of the world and if I don't feel like training one day it doesn't matter. The change has been huge for me and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders not having that constant pressure to have the perfect diet and training routine. The one thing I'm still working on is changing my mindset regarding my body, I definitely have a much more positive outlook about it but it's still challenging, especially with a holiday coming up!

So here are some of the things I've put in place to make a change, some of them may seem silly but these little things really have helped.

• When I look in the mirror now I've learnt to focus on the areas of my body I do like and try not to think about the areas of my body I don't, until I'm able to accept them.
• I have a list which has all the amazing things my body does for me no matter what my shape or size is, which I can use to refer back to when I need a reminder.
• I also wrote a list of all the parts of my body I hate and why, then I ripped it up, burnt it and told myself that those are thoughts I never want back. It was weirdly satisfying!
• I accepted it's not possible to change my body shape and I have to love it the way it is.
• I stopped comparing my body to others and unfollowed any Instagram accounts that made me feel bad about myself.
• Finally, I put notes on my mirrors that say you're beautiful inside and out so I've got that as a daily reminder.

I am so happy to finally be able to say that I genuinely do love my body and the skin I'm in, I hope by sharing my experience and struggles may help to ease your worries a little and give you hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel and being happy with your body is possible. 

Keeping smiling beautiful.