My head is clear and my head is happy. After battling bipolar for around 6 years, I can finally say I have found peace again. Yes there are still days where I wobble and I am by no means 'cured' but I finally feel in control, and that's the best feeling in the world.
Coming through the darkness that depression leaves you with is difficult and managing the highs of mania is hard but it is possible and you can tackle it. There is light at the end of the tunnel and that's the one thing that's important to remember. I am so grateful to be able to say I feel that I have reached that light and life isn't such a challenge for me anymore.
How did I get here?
Getting the right help - I finally found a psychiatrist who actually cares about my health and doesn't want to just dose me up on so much medication that I'm not even me anymore. This has been a long journey. I now visit a private psychiatrist once or twice a year for checkups and more frequently if I feel I need to. With his help I managed to find the best combination of medication which suited me and my condition, which was the starting point for me, it was my building block.
Medication - For many years I refused medications because of my strong hate towards them, but I came to the realization that I can't function without them. Yes for me that was soul-destroying as I want to live the healthiest life possible and in my world medication isn't part of that. But what I was failing to realize was the healthiest version of me has to include medication. I am unhealthy if I am unhappy and without medication, the balance in my brain just isn't right. Just like any other condition such as diabetes, asthma or high blood pressure, I learnt to accept that I must take daily medication and as long as I keep my body healthy in every other way, then I can be okay with that.
Letting go - Another huge part of my recovery has been letting go of my shame. I spent so many years hiding my condition, keeping it a secret from friends and being embarrassed by it. I can't work out what it was that clicked for me but it finally registered with me there really wasn't anything to be ashamed of. Having bipolar doesn't make me a bad person nor does it make me different. Every human on this planet at some point in their life will have a struggle they have to face, and this is mine. Almost every person living with a mental health condition will experience a sense of shame but when you really think about it, why? A mental health condition is EXACTLY the same as a physical health condition but yet when someone gets diagnosed with cancer the last thing on their mind would be to feel ashamed. It truly saddens me that there's still such a huge gap between mental and physical health and awareness. I find it hard to believe when people say they don't understand it, yet they never actually try to.
Forgiveness - Similar to shame when suffering from a mental health condition a great deal of us often punish ourselves or a person we feel may have contributed to our journey, which is totally understandable but it's also totally unnecessary. Ever since my psychiatrist connected the dots between my depression and the medication I'd been taking, I had this overwhelming feeling of anger. I felt so cross because of that one medication my whole life was essentially tainted, and it wasn't till I was advised to write a letter to the doctor who prescribed it to me that I managed to forgive him. This felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me and it was honestly the biggest turning point in my recovery.
The positives - Although it can be difficult I always look for the positives in situations in which some people may not believe there are any but for me, I actually have quite a lot. When I first became unwell I was very young which meant it didn't affect my career or pay bills and although it was difficult I made it through college, got the qualifications I needed and was able to become a personal trainer.
As a young girl, I was forced to find strength within me I never knew I had, which has led me to be an even stronger, more independent woman. It has also made me extremely comfortable in my own skin meaning that what other people say or do does not affect me. I am very happy with who I am and wouldn't change it for the world.
The greatest positive I can take from it is, that I now have an extreme vest for life and for happiness which others don't. I have learnt to cherish every day and all the little things in life. I feel blessed to be living my life and to be able to travel, gain experiences, grow, learn and love.
Steps to help you find comfort and stability in your mind -
Whether you suffer from depression, bipolar or an eating disorder I believe all these conditions can be treated in a similar way, although every person and every condition is different there are steps I feel you can use to find yourself in a stable and happy place that I have reached.
- Support - Whether it's from a councillor, psychiatrist, life coach, nurse whoever. Get some professional help and professional advice. Find the correct balance in medication (if necessary), talking therapy and trustworthy family or friends to support you.
- Think positive - To move forward and heal yourself you must try to switch your mindset to a positive one. No one ever succeeded by thinking negatively so fills your mind with positive thoughts.
- Coping mechanisms - To fight those bad days we have to find ways that make the pain ease a little. For me going to the gym and getting out to spend time with loved ones are my go-to's. I have also learnt which days I should fight the depression and which days I should just accept it.
- Acceptance - Accept the fact you have this condition and be at peace with it. This is not easy and takes a great deal of time but when you can finally let go of the resentment you can finally move forward.
- Forgiveness - Whether it's forgiving yourself or someone who has hurt you, holding onto anger can make your health even worse. You will begin to heal when you learn to forgive.
- Appreciate - When you start to appreciate the life you've been given you will start to enjoy it so much more. Start by appreciating the little things like the house you have to live in, the food you have to eat and the friends you have around you.
I hope these steps can help, I like to share my own struggles in the hope that I can help you with yours. In the current times we're living in there's so much negativity and so many people who are unhappy that, I feel if more of us shared our love and advice the world would be a happier place. I am determined to help others find happiness and help as many people live the best life they possibly can because at the end of the day we only get one go at this!
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