Suicide. One of the most terrifying thoughts you can ever have. When life feels so awful that you can't imagine living another day. You feel like you can't be strong any longer and the only way out is suicide. I know that feeling, very well. For the past 6 years, I have lived with passing suicidal thoughts and some thoughts which I acted on. I know that horrible feeling of no longer wanting to be here, but I'm writing this letter to show you that I'm living proof, it is possible to get through it.
I know to someone feeling suicidal it's incredibly frustrating to hear but I want you to take it from someone who has had the exact same feelings as you and has made it past them. I'm not just another doctor or friend who has no idea how it feels, I'm someone who has made multiple suicide attempts and survived.
Suicide is not the answer, full stop. It's not the answer because I know there's a way out and I know you deserve it too, you deserve better than to lose your life to depression. I want you to try to find even the smallest amount of strength to just get through the rest of today. Just make it through the rest of the day, without taking any action, let the hours pass by until you make it till tomorrow and tomorrow I want you to repeat that. I want you to keep repeating it till it no longer feels like a challenge anymore and you start to feel that you want your place here on earth. If you can get through that I promise you it will give you the strength to get through absolutely anything.
I'm not implying that the road to recovery is easy, it's hard and there will be ups and downs but I just want to tell you that it's so worth it. I would give anything in the world right now to just give you an ounce of that feeling, to make you feel a little brighter and to give you hope that you can beat those unbelievably painful thoughts.
Just imagine that feeling weeks, months or even years from now when you finally feel free. Free from any suicidal thoughts or depression and free to enjoy your life again. Does it fill you with a slight sense of hope? If so I want you to use this tool whenever you need it. Just picture yourself going by your day-to-day business without those thoughts holding you down and whenever you need just think of that and I'm sure it will give you the strength you need to carry on.
There are a few points I want you to try and implement in your life to get you through these really dark times. It's important to remember to focus on the little things, any little things you do that make you feel a tiny bit better and to keep doing them. Eventually, all those little things add up and it won't feel so forced anymore.
Remember that you're important to this world and we need you here. Please stay strong, stay hopeful and never give up fighting.
Talk to people. This is incredibly important, never live with this on your own, you need all the support you can get but you won't be able to get it if you don't tell your loved ones how you're feeling. Please don't ever feel ashamed of these feelings, once I learned to let go of shame this helped me to start getting better. Any suicidal thoughts you have MUST be shared, I don't ever want you to deal with this on your own because you deserve to be supported and you deserve to be kept safe.
Getting the right help. When it comes to mental health we have to connect with the professional who is helping us and we need to feel like they actually care. Don't be afraid to change your professional if you don't feel you're connecting with them, change once, twice, or three times, just make sure you find one you feel understands and supports you. This will ensure that you get the best treatment for you whether it's medication or counselling it's really important that it works for you.
Focus on the positives. When you're stuck in depression it's hard to think of any positives because the negatives will always outweigh any positives but if you want to start feeling better it's so important you have a change in mindset. Try to test yourself and when you think something negative or feel your life is terrible and falling apart, challenge yourself to switch that thought. Remember something positive you have in your life even if it's just one thing, the more you promote these kinds of thoughts the more likely they're to develop naturally.
Coping mechanisms. One of the keys to recovery is finding coping mechanisms. Things that take you out of that dark place and keep your mind busy so you don't have any time to think. Distractions. For me going to the gym, spending time with my loved ones, going for walks and going on adventures are all things I use to get me out of that negative bubble. We're all different and what works for me won't necessarily work for you, so find the finds that make you happy.
If I can help in ANY way possible please contact me, for a person to talk to, advice, or just to hear from someone who has been there and can relate to you. My email address is chloevowels1995@gmail.com and my mobile is 07496567375 if you're struggling please reach out.
If you're in urgent need of help please contact either of the charities mind or the Samaritans;
Samaritans: 116123, jo@samaritans.org
Mind: 03001233393, info@mind.org.uk
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