Supporting someone you love with depression

Do you know someone who struggles with mental health and you find difficulty in knowing what to say, or how you can help? 

In this post, I want to share some light on a very difficult subject with the information coming directly from someone who has experienced those hard times and has battled through them. A subject that needs to be talked about more because it's such a grey area and depression is so difficult to understand for someone who's not going through it.

First of all, the most important thing you can do to help is to try to understand them. I cannot empathise with this enough. I understand it's an incredibly difficult thing to go through but what I have to remind you is that no matter how tough it is for you, it's 10x harder for that person who is suffering. 

For those of you who have never experienced mental illness and depression the best way, I can describe it is that it feels like your world has a big black cloud over it and no matter what you do that black cloud feels impossible to get rid of. Depression makes even the simplest of things like getting out of bed, preparing a meal, and having a shower all a challenge and leaving the house feels virtually impossible. There's just a pain in your heart that never seems to go away, no matter how hard you try to fight it. 

Often the person struggling will try and push those closest to them away and can sometimes deny needing any help, it's important for you to help them realise that it's not a bad thing to admit that they're struggling and it's okay to ask for help. Let them know it's okay to not be okay and that you'll always be there for them. 

How to help:

• Listen to them. Don't judge, comment or interrupt, just listen. Being able to talk and tell someone how you feel can help to take a big part of the pain away. They don't want to hear what you think or be told what to do, most of the time we prefer to be able to just get all our emotions out and say exactly how we're feeling. It won't always be easy to hear but know that in doing so you'll be helping that person to feel a whole lot better.

• Get professional help. This isn't always something a person will want but I know that it is the most important thing you can do. Get them to see their doctor, and they will be able to take them through the necessary steps whatever that may be, and they will be able to guide you. It may be medication they need, therapy, or a combination of both whichever it is neither can be implemented unless they see a doctor.

• Please never say to cheer up or stop being so sad. No one ever wants or needs to hear it. Whatever it is just don't say it, it will never, ever be helpful. Instead try and just act normal with the person, be positive in the way you speak to them and try and brighten their day, but please never tell them to just cheer up and get on with it. Try not to always be talking to them about their illness, they're still a human and can talk about normal things which can be really helpful distract their mind.

• Sit with them and keep them company. The person may not always want to talk and often they won't, but just having company will help them to not feel alone and to feel like they have support. Even if this means sitting in a dark room with them then doing so, will show that you are there for them no matter what. Depression can be one of the loneliest places to be so having support will always mean more than you'll ever know, even if they don't always show it.

• Help them find a focus. For me, I always had my fitness and personal training to focus on and that really helped me to rebuild once I was on my way to recovery. Often when you feel low it can feel like life is pointless and unfulfilling, so having a focus gives you a purpose again. Whether it's a goal they have, a hobby, or a new sport, whatever it is having a focus can help get the person through each day, so talk to them and try and find something they could work towards.

• Get them out of the house. This is something you must be very careful about, if the person who is unwell seems willing and okay to leave the house then help them to do so because fresh air and some gentle exercise like a walk can work absolute wonders. Be careful though, not to force someone if they aren't feeling up to it, you can normally gauge a vibe of how they're feeling.

I hope this blog post can help give an insight into what living with depression is really like and what you can do to help someone you may know struggling with it. I want you to remember that what's happening isn't their fault and they never chose to become unwell so don't ever blame them for it or make them feel as though they're a burden because of it. 

Most importantly, please never give up on them, no matter how hard it gets, never gives up because they need you now more than ever.