Suicide is and will always be an incredibly difficult subject to talk about, however, I truly believe the more we do, the bigger the difference that can be made, which essentially means more lives are saved. Suicide is a complete taboo subject that so many are terrified of talking about, whether a person is feeling it or it's someone you know that may be, so many of us are too frightened to discuss it. After experiencing suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts, I know that our biggest problem is the fact people can't understand it because for anyone who has never felt depressed to try and comprehend why anyone would want to take their own life, seems impossible.
The most vital point I have to make is that for me and for many others, suicide wasn't me wanting to actually die. What it actually was, was me wanting to no longer be suffering in pain. The pain that's like a dark cloud that's always hovering over you, no matter what you do it's always there. The unbearable pain of depression is indescribable and suicide feels like the only possible way to escape it.
What’s important to know is that if you are a family member of someone who feels suicidal or makes a suicide attempt, it isn’t their fault. Please never blame them for this because that person does not mean to nor want to cause you any pain but for them, it feels like the only way out. The strange thing is, is that actually, all that person really wants is to be happy. People just assume those suffering from depression or those who are suicidal make a choice to be sad but the reality is that it's actually the complete opposite of that.
When I was unwell the one thing I would forever repeat was: I just want to be happy. I didn't want to die, I just wanted to escape the depression I was suffering from and free myself from the pain I was in. I understand it can be confusing for people who have never experienced depression but let me tell you it's far more than just feeling sad and if suicide is the only way of ridding yourself of that pain then ultimately that's what you feel you have to do.
When I was unwell the one thing I would forever repeat was: I just want to be happy. I didn't want to die, I just wanted to escape the depression I was suffering from and free myself from the pain I was in. I understand it can be confusing for people who have never experienced depression but let me tell you it's far more than just feeling sad and if suicide is the only way of ridding yourself of that pain then ultimately that's what you feel you have to do.
For those who do sadly lose their life to suicide, as a society, we need to establish a better understanding of it. Instead of judging them or describing them as selfish, it's vital that we must realise that people felt they had no choice, and they felt it was their only way out. Of course, I know the pain their family and friends will suffer is unimaginable but I also know the pain of that individual was far greater. We should never judge another person who takes their own life or consider it a wasted life because it was their choice and although it's incredibly sad, they are now free of that pain that they were so desperately trying to escape.
On the flip side of this argument, I don’t condone suicide in any way. I accept it and respect that it was that individual's decision but it doesn't mean I agree with it and the reason I say this is because I've been there. I've been the lowest you can possibly be and I've managed to get through it and come out the other side. It's the most difficult thing a person can ever probably do but it's possible. Some may disagree with me and assume I never suffered like others, to be able to be at the stage I am now, but to argue that, I openly admit I made multiple suicide attempts in the time I spent suffering. Years went by with me barely leaving my bedroom and staring at the walls because I was so depressed and didn't know what to do with myself, all of which lead me to suicide. Something which I don't believe you can be any lower than.
So my message to anyone feeling suicidal right now is that you must talk. No matter how hard it feels right now and how much hurt it can cause, you must talk to the people around you. These people will keep you safe, they will watch your every move and they won’t leave your side but when you manage to get out the other side, you'll be so thankful they did that. It's a very long, very difficult road to recovery but I truly believe if I can do it there's no stopping you from doing it too. Seek help from doctors and psychiatrists and whatever you do never stop fighting because I know you can do it and you can one day find true, genuine happiness like I have.
For anyone who knows someone dealing with suicidal thoughts, my message to you is to always be kind to them. No matter how angry and maybe disappointed you may feel, love them with every bone in your body and make sure they never feel alone. Get them the help they so desperately need - even if they don't want it because it could save their life. Don't be frightened to speak about their suicidal thoughts, it will help them to share, no matter how hard they may be to hear. To anyone who knows someone who has made a suicide attempt but failed, please never be angry with them, the guilt they will feel themselves is enough to warrant needing anyone else to be angry with them. Most all of never, ever give up on them.
Samaritans:
116123 (UK)
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