In recent months, suicide has become a lot more apparent, we had Avicii, Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and for Love Island viewers Sophie Gradon. All of these deaths have flooded my news feeds with messages for the families, messages of rest in peace and the ones I find most frustrating there's always someone you can talk to. My reason for finding these messages frustrating is that I see it all as too little too late. People are quick to share their message of condolences but inevitably too slow to check in on a friend.
We lose so many beautiful lives every year because people are too afraid to share how they're truly feeling, so many people are afraid to bring up suicide for fear they will be judged, but I struggle to understand why suicide is considered one of the most shameful things to feel. It's an incredibly sad world we live in when someone can feel as though they want to take their own life but not feel they can tell anyone about it.
I believe that our biggest problem is that whenever words like suicide or depression are used people run a mile. At the times when support is needed most is not there, people run because they are scared or they don't know how to act, but when it comes to suicide I don't believe any excuse is good enough. I count myself one of the lucky ones because I was and still am very blessed to have an incredibly supportive partner and mum, two people who were key parts of keeping me alive throughout my very dark years, however even though I had amazing support from them, I still felt very lonely and very isolated. Other family members and good friends just didn't get it and were not there for me in my time of need, which hurt a great deal to be let down by them.
I am not trying to shame or accuse anyone of being a cause for someone to take their own life, but to make people think twice about whether or not they could be doing more. Due to the current times we live in, a lot of people think they are doing enough to support their loved ones but life is busier and more stressful than ever which means people are more selfish and don't consider the people around them anywhere as much as they should. So many people don't even think about picking up the phone to check in with their friends or family anymore and don't take time to spend good quality, technology-free time with them. We have all these great social networking sites now but we have all become more anti-social because of it. No one really talks anymore and if they do it's never about real life, just about superficial rubbish. All of which I really genuinely believe has led to people feeling more lonely than ever before.
This particular issue does not single any person out, we all have or can be affected by suicide, it does not discriminate which is why I believe every single person needs to act more. It's as simple as telling someone how much you love and care for them for absolutely no reason. It's almost frowned upon these days to show your feelings but let's break that trend and start telling the people you love how valued and important they are to you. Don't always need a reason to share your feelings and make someone feel loved, because otherwise these things just never end up getting said.
Strategies to support someone you know who is suicidal:
1. Talk to them about their suicidal thoughts and plans. If you know about the things going through their head you will be better equipped to support them. Suicide is a difficult subject to discuss but by being more open about it you will be able to build up a better level of trust with that person. If they feel as though they can talk to you about suicide without being judged they will hopefully feel more inclined to tell you if they're actually thinking of taking action. Never shout or have a go at someone for feeling suicidal because all you will do is push them away and they will not bring it up again, which can potentially lead to them making a successful suicide attempt.
2. Get them professional help, but in their own time. Make sure not to force a person to go to the doctors or get counselling, however, it is important they get some professional support. Sadly if a person has reached a point of suicide it's very likely the only way they're going to get better is with either medication or therapy, depending on their situation. As not all people suffering will be willing to see a doctor or psychiatrist it's a good idea to try and get them to a place where they want help for themselves because if they feel forced into it they will probably feel like they can no longer trust you.
3. Check in with them more regularly, whether that's in person, over the phone or via a quick text. Just some way of showing that you're there for them and supporting them can make a whole world of difference for someone. Just having someone show that they care can completely change a person's day and be the support they need to get through that day. The more support a person has the less alone they will feel and hopefully a quicker road to recovery.
4. Understand that a lot of the time a person never actually wants to die. This is a difficult thing to understand for someone who has never suffered from mental illness but it's an important thing to remember. I can't speak for everyone but I know a large majority of people who feel suicidal don't actually want their life to end instead, they want the pain they are suffering to end. So it isn't that they don't love and appreciate you but that they can't see any other way out of the suffering. Please never be angry with a person for feeling suicidal because they never mean to hurt you, but they just feel as if there is no other way out.
5. Patience. When you know someone who is suffering from a mental illness it is so important that you have patience with them, remember as hard work as it is for you to deal with them it's just as hard for them to cope with it. Always do your best to keep your cool and never snap at the person, just try to remind yourself that it isn't their fault and they can't help it.
My message is that can we all start writing fewer 'rest in peace' notes and send more supportive text messages to each other. Start doing the things we intended to like catching up with a friend before it becomes too late. Stop saying things like I'll always be there for you when you don't actually mean it. Most importantly can we all start showing each other we care, without it being stemmed from someone committing suicide.
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