Health. Fitness. Positivity. Lifestyle. Mental health. Self love.

Endometriosis

Ever felt that overwhelming feeling of tiredness? Where you keep fighting but feel as though it's a losing battle. That's exactly where I'm currently at with my endometriosis. As I wrote about in previous blogs in December last year, I had an operation to diagnose and remove endometriosis which the journey to was painful, long and tiring. With more hospital and ambulance trips than I can count, the moment I was eventually told they were going to operate I felt relief. For so long I knew there was something more going on with my body than doctors believed but with no explanation as to what I felt helpless. So when I was finally offered some help it felt as though I had an answer. Looking back now I realise I was very naive in assuming it was going to be the solution. After my operation, I recovered well, as someone who has always lived a healthy lifestyle it's fair to say I bounced back and of course lead me to believe it was the end of my struggle.

Little did I know that was far from what reality was going to be. For the first month maybe at a push two, things were better. My cycles had eased, and I felt much healthier. This no doubt was the hardest pill to swallow as I was lead false hope of a healthy life. I would say from about cycle 2-3 onwards was when I realised things weren't as sweet as I thought they were going to be. This definitely took me by surprise and sadly from then onwards things have only got worse. With this last month being by far the worst and the last week one of the most challenging of all.

My operation removed most of the endometriosis but not all of it, I was still left with some on my bowel which my surgeon didn't feel comfortable touching. Even with that in mind, explaining to doctors that I am in fact worse after the surgery that was supposed to make me better seems to fall on deaths ears. I already knew the research and treatment for this condition was poor but it's somewhat still heart-breaking to be told it's just something us sufferers have to get on. To pretty much be informed you will spend the rest of your life in pain, fatigued and looking like your 6 months pregnant 90% of the time is frustrating, to say the least. 

The funny or not so funny part of it all is that although my pain and symptoms use to be hard with nearly every month ending up in a hospital, more than anything I did it for an answer to my infertility. To my surprise seeking further help in that department since the operation i've been told endometriosis isn't a problem. When I was previously informed that removing it would be the answer. Leads me to the point of one of the most infuriating things which are the mixed information you receive. Due to there being such little research and money in looking at endometriosis the doctors know very little meaning they provide completely contrasting information. This though doesn't make it any easier to process the fact you had an operation based on the fact you were told it would get you pregnant, only to be told by someone else it's not a problem.
I always try to be very positive about my life experiences as written about previously many times being grateful for them. However, right now I do 100% regret having my operation done because it has elevated my problems so greatly. I struggle daily with pain, which pre-op it was only around my period and occasionally ovulation. I now cannot remember the last time I went a day without any type of pain at all, not to mention the fatigue, nausea, bladder and bowel problems. The worst part of it all is dealing with the fact now pretty much every single day I'm so bloated I look heavily pregnant, when in fact I couldn't be further away from, a constant reminder of the thing I most desperately want but can't have. 
This blog post isn't to say to anyone suffering or anyone who knows someone suffering not to have endometriosis removed. Like with every condition it varies person to person, I've spoken to many people whom the surgery has dramatically improved their condition, so it's not that it can't work but for me so far it hasn't. I do know though if I weren't to have it removed it would spread and cause more damage to other organs so I try to remind myself of that positive. The main cause of my frustration comes from being worse off from a surgery that I was promised would make me better.
For anyone who may be wondering what is so challenging about this condition, it's hard to break it down to one thing. It's exhaustion of being in constant pain, the bleariness that regular use of strong painkillers gives and how draining it is trying to explain to others how something that cannot be seen can be so debilitating. Personally, the pain is on another level to anything I've experienced before with it actually being categorized as one of the top 10 most painful conditions. Yet we are so often still misunderstood. When you collapse with such severe pain, cannot pick yourself up the floor to walk move or even barely talk, getting treated as though your being dramatic is quite honestly demoralising. 
Please don't get me wrong I'm still extremely grateful to have the body that I do. I understand I'm lucky to have a body which allows me to get up in the morning, exercise, work and live the life I desire. As hard work as endometriosis can be, I still know I'm fortunate and there are people far worse off than me. I will never let endometriosis beat me, in fact, it continues to show me my strength and determination so for that I'm thankful.


No comments

Post a Comment

© All things green

This site uses cookies from Google to deliver its services - Click here for information.

Professional Blog Designs by pipdig